Saturday, May 13, 2017

Misogyny in the Uterus

We have spoken to the men, chauvinists, misogynists and the privileged gender. But today,

I am talking to that mother who
Who disowned the days old girl baby
Who do not see the need for my schooling
Who stops me from jumping and playing
Who counsels me to work on my dark skin
Because girls are meant not to be born, educated or play
They are supposed to look fair, cook and protect their hymen

I am talking to that friend
Who tells me how dangerous it to dream
Who cautions about my nocturnal activities
Who judges me, gossips about my breasts and butt
Because girls are meant to not step out, laugh loud and expose skin
They are presumed to play deaf, dumb and execute the rules

I am talking to that sister
Who advises me to look Indian
Who shares the secrets of pleasing husband
Who warns me of my blatant voice
Because girls are meant only to satisfy, entertain, perform
They are assumed to accommodate, abide and endure

I am talking to that Mother-in-law
Who draws lakshman rekha around my feet
Who is concerned of her lineage
Who constantly looks out for my flaws
Because girls are meant to be taken for granted, mortified and killed
They are supposed to nod yes, bleed and procreate

Dear Mother, Sister, friend
Why do you want me to carry and sell
The rotten past and horrifying hell
And not yell, I urge you to tell
Or empathize my feel.

Girls may not be the goddesses or the princesses
They are the sapiens, akin to the other animals
Seeking their freedom of speech, wander and dream
And being born as a girl is not a crime
They can do more than serving lime
Do you get it at least this time?

Dear Mother, Sister, Friend,
I am talking for the sanity of our gender,
To empower the purity of our tribe,
Slaying the insecurities of generations          
It is not the Greek god or the self-proclaimed lad
Who is going to save us and hence I take this pride
To lay the thorn less road for the daughters of tomorrow
Try to follow me, if not allow me not disown me

Nevertheless, I shall wallow this battle till death swallows me

Teeming Night

It was one of those nights when it was teeming on a summer evening unexpectedly due to cyclone effect. Late sitting in office is not a regular phenomena but that day was hectic with back to back meetings and project discussions with onsite clients. Before I realized it was already 10 pm. I winded up my work in next 15 min and reached the gate of the building to realize that the heavy downpour has lead no transportation. I missed the last office cab by a whisker. I was weary and dejected. With no other alternative I moved on to the main road to find any public transportation to reach home. It was hauntingly dark with minimal human activity in that area.

I stood on the road glancing at my phone. Incessantly, I tried booking cab to reach home but all my efforts went in vain. Uber, Ola, Radio cabs.. all of them have put their hands up. I moved towards the bus stop located next to office building drenching in rain. In hope to get a bus I stood lonely for almost half an hour. Slowly, chills started flowing down my spine. All sorts of ghost stories, robberies, kidnaps were moving on my mind. Although I am not a pious person, Jai Hanuman was what I uttered staunchly. 

Suddenly, a black car rushed and halted on the road. My heartbeat grew faster with fear and suspicion. I looked at the number plate to memorize anticipating an untoward incident to take place. Glass of the car window came down. I could see a young man gazing at me. I grew suspicious and held my bag tight to flee away from there. Before I did anything he smiled at me and uttered "The weather is turning bad and I do not see any transportation coming this way tonight. If you don't mind, I can drop you wherever you wish to get down. Do not panic. I work at Microsoft and you can trust me".

Frantically, I moved near to take a closer look at him. Yes, he worked in my office. I have seen him couple of times in office food court. I stood there still contemplating on whether to accept his offer or not. I looked around and realized that god didn't leave me any option than taking his offer. Although he was a stranger he was a familiar face to me. I moved to the other side, opened the door and settled in the seat beside him. We moved a furlong distance. To break the weird silence, I uttered "Thank you so much".

"Oh !most welcome Mam" he grinned.

"May I know where do you want me to drop?" he inquired.

"Please drop me near main bus stop. I think I can manage to get a cab from there" I replied.

"Do not worry. I can drop at your home. It is growing really bad and quite unsafe to take a public transport at this hour. Trust me"

Well! I thought there is truth in what he said but how far can I trust this person. I looked at the Lord Ganesh idol hanging in front and said  "Then please drop me at Kavuri hills"

"Sure. By the way I am Ayush" he introduced in warming smile.

"I am Sitara" I meekly mentioned.

After a while I became comfortable and started looking surroundings in the car. I noticed a book on the backseat that caught my eye. 

"Do you read Charles Dickens?" I enquired curiously.

"I am a huge fan of his works. I have almost read all of his books twice"

"Really! That's great. Where did you get this copy from? I have looking for it for a while now"

"Uhh.. that's the inheritance my Dad acquired for me. He is a scholar and great reader. We have a mini library at our home with books from varied genres."

"Ah I see. That's exhilarating" I said raising my eyebrows in amusement.

Rest of our conversation for about half an hour revolved around classics to contemporary literary works. It was never ending but my destination came to a halt. We reached Kavuri hills soon. I gave him directions to reach my apartment in the cozy lanes. The car stopped in front of the building. 
I finally said  " Thank you Ayush. It was nice meeting you"

"Mention not. Same here" he said.

 I got down and walked towards the gate. I heard a voice hollering "Sitara" and I looked back instantly.

" I thought you will be glad if I lend this book" Ayush said handing the book.

"Of course Ayush!! I am" excitedly I wawled

"But how do I return it back to you" I posed at him in doubt.

"I have written my number on the last page" he answered and moved towards the car.

Standing in the elevator I realized something was happening inside me.  My heart beat grew faster. There was connection that I can't name it.  Technically, he was stranger but why do I feel a part of me is left inside the car? Was it an epiphany? Do I know him earlier? I moved inside the house, threw my bag on the sofa, and turned the pages of the book. I stopped at the last page and dialed the number.

Phone rang thrice before it was answered

"Hello" came the voice

"How about a cup of coffee in case you have not gone too far" I muttered.

"Not too far from your thoughts and building. I was secretly hoping this and hence didn't move ahead" he said disconnecting the call.

Mid-crisis Love

At the stroke of midlife crises,
A frigid breeze touched hastily
Unveiling the elusive vistas
Swaying the heart of mine

Diving me into unweary inns
Scuffing into palatial palaces
Of exuberant love and affection 
Unrelentingly bestowed upon me

Inundating hope and happiness
Into my mundane days
Diffusing them profoundly into my innards
Like a dreadful cocaine

The trance wrecked quick
Ebbing away in a flip of an eye
Leaving the staunch memories
For me to relinquish in slack

Shattering my dreams
Bequeathing bleeding scars
Victimizing me to ludicrous hysteria
Standing up to the name "Love"

A day of retrospection

While birthdays are more of days of celebration to many, for me from past 4-5 years this day has been a day of retrospection. A gush of feelings pass through me. Involuntarily, I travel back in time to look at how the year has passed - Not on good, bad, ugly, awesome, happy, sad moments. Well! All these emotions are ephemeral and relative. Period, I understood that. It is all about where I stood, where I stand and where I wish to stand. 

Each passing year reminds me and puts a hell lot of pressure on me to do better, run fast to achieve my goals. You see this day reminds you that you are going closer to nature. And I am stimuled to position myself better not just in terms of success, money, identity but most importantly as a person.

So, on this day, I do not wish for years of wealth indulgence, painlessness and exclusive happiness. I pray for a life of odds and evens, challenges and cakewalks, blessings and despairs, darkness and illuminations so as to become strong, grounded, balanced, tranquil and mature. To become more kind, humble, compassionate, forgiving and generous. To learn and read more. To embrace art, nature, relationships and goodness. To lead a quality and a peaceful life. To live upto the word "Human".

"A day remains the same even if you enter a new year, decade or era if you refuse to evolve than your previous day"